Exactly How This Disability Justice Practitioner Suffered $183,364+ in Financial Abuse
Especially if you have read my newsletter post from around Father's Day, you may already know that my biological father was absent for most of my life, but he has the unadulterated audacity to declare that "when he was around, he was a good dad," to which, I regularly argue that when one is absent 95% of the time, one cannot be considered "good" at a role that requires presence.
Having been estranged from Vishnu for 9 years until I wrote an essay wherein I reckoned with if he was alive, which secured $12,500 in grants, I was hesitant, but open to reconnecting when he called during my 1st global pandemic.
Although he had initially called my public work phone number, I refused to give him my new cell number since he had shared it without my consent in the past, so he needed to join Facebook to communicate with me via Messenger. It has been a few frustrating years of communicating, but our most recent call is why I am writing this to deconstruct his victim-blaming, whereby he deflected an inquiry of mine about his (lack of) parenting by asking how much money I gave to my ex, as if that has ever been in question.
Victim blaming is a social phenomenon where individuals or groups hold victims responsible for the harm or misfortune they experience, often ignoring the broader contexts that contribute to their situations. This behavior can manifest in various scenarios, including poverty, unemployment, homelessness, and instances of sexual or physical assault. Victim blaming is rooted in attribution theory, which suggests that people tend to attribute their successes to external factors while blaming others for their failures. This mindset can lead to negative emotional repercussions for victims, including feelings of shame, guilt, and outrage.
The implications of victim blaming extend into social policies and public perceptions, particularly regarding welfare recipients and victims of violence. For instance, stereotypes about lazy or irresponsible individuals can perpetuate a lack of empathy for those in poverty. Social biases can also affect how victims of sexual violence are treated, often scrutinizing their character or behavior instead of holding perpetrators accountable. This sensitivity around victim blaming highlights the importance of understanding the environmental and societal factors that contribute to an individual's circumstances, fostering a more compassionate and informed approach to such complex issues."
In fact, I created an entire webpage detailing my ex's Access Intimacy Abuse, and presented about the term I coined to capture that phenomenon that also applies to social justice-oriented community activist and academic spaces, with my friend, Siva Thangeswary Sivarajah at the 6th annual international Centre for Leadership and Diversity conference at the Ontario Institute of Equity Studies (OISE) on the theme of “Leadership for Renewal, Sustenance, and Resistance in Challenging Times” on October 16, 2025 with these slides:
Then, I relaunched my newsletter with The Disability Justice Revolution We All Need Will Never Include Access Intimacy Abuse essay and have been posting writing grounded in Disability Justice weekly since, so Vishnu's inquiry about how much money I gave my ex is not about any confusion regarding the magnitude of his abuse, but meant to victim-blame me for financial precarity.
Despite no post-secondary education, Vishnu is often deemed to be a gifted mathematician based on the university students who call him for help figuring out problems that stump them. Unfortunately, his prowess with Math does not extend to other subject matters. If it did, the man who even lied about visiting me in the incubator in Trinidad would grasp that other men who claim to love me are also guilty of lying, and in my devastating case, it was to the tune of $183,364+ in financial abuse over 6.5 years."
If you had told me that I would take inspiration from an old white woman I had never even heard of until 2024 after discovering my ex's betrayal, I would have doubted you, but I am eternally grateful for Gisèle Pelicot, who was also violated by a man who claimed to love her, and proclaimed that "shame must change sides" when it comes to gender-based violence (GBV), which I have strived to do by warning the public about Makai Livingstone of Embodied Support Services with my artwork, writing, conference sessions, website, etc.:
Victim-blaming is rampant in our society, as I know well, as a fat brown queer disabled immigrant woman and settler on Turtle Island, who is desperately close to becoming unhoused in the aftermath of white supremacist workplace trauma, gender-based violence (GBV), etc. Like I told Vishnu earlier, his history of claiming to love me while leaving me with a lifelong trail of broken promises likely set the stage for me to keep hoping for others who claim to love me to do better, as did surviving violations like Ava weaponizing my queerness against me in an attempt to get me unhoused after my 2007 car accident. My extensive trauma history may have made me the easiest of marks for my ex, but at least it did not turn me into an oppressor, like my ex, my biological parents, etc., and I know that my grandparents would be undeniably proud of me for that!🔥"
I refuse to feel shame because a man who claimed to love me exploited the fuck out of my attempt at access intimacy, which has long been my approach in all of my dealings with loved ones the more I have come to consider access, since unpacking my own internalized ableism over the course of my years as a Disability Justice practitioner, as can be seen from my access art:
Disability Liberated was born out of collective struggle. We sought first and foremost to pay homage to the countless disabled lives that have been lost to the violence of able-bodied supremacy, whether that loss be corporeal – souls robbed of their very embodiment by state, vigilante, or, too often, intimate violence – or the loss of freedoms through incarceration in prisons or other disciplinary institutions. Our understanding of able-bodied supremacy has been formed in relation to intersecting systems of domination and exploitation. The histories of white supremacy and ableism are, after all, inextricably entwined, both forged in the crucible of colonial conquest and capitalist domination. We cannot comprehend ableism without grasping its interrelations with heteropatriarchy, white supremacy, colonialism, and capitalism, each system co-creating an ideal bodymind built upon the exclusion and elimination of a subjugated “other” from whom profits and status are extracted."
Even as I write this post in the week of Vishnu's 2026 birthday, I am well aware that he will disapprove, but as I have said for years, his parents did him a disservice by giving him the name of a Hindu representation of God, as it must have contributed to him believing that he deserves unearned respect from the daughter he 1st abandoned in a NICU incubator, but although he has had 41+ years to do better as a parent, he remains hellbent on failing me with his victim-blaming and gaslighting regarding abuse, whether it applies to my ex, or his ex-wife, who refuses to provide financial assistance unless I am willing to call her, despite knowing that I have been prescribed high blood pressure medication for decades following her harassment, so this is how I access the only kind of justice available to me:
Victim-blaming is "a distinctively epistemic type of injustice, in which someone is wronged specifically in their capacity as a knower," which looks like Vishnu blaming me for being exploited, as if I had ever been afforded informed consent! If new(er) to thinking critically about victim-blaming, you may also benefit from reading my newsletter post about the patriarchy from April! 👀
Unlike Vishnu's far from resonant name, I have long embodied my 1st name that stems from a word associated with clarity & a middle name that means poet in the language of my ancestors, while the woman who named me acts like the mother fish that eat their young when it comes to me, as she probably tells herself that expecting me to call her is an act of "tough love" to justify her continued punishment of me for daring to use my words to articulate my access needs clearly!?!🤡
Having grown up in my late maternal grandparents' home in Trinidad where they housed multiple family members after those women's relationships ended, they must be monumentally disappointed in Ava, who first made me feel unsafe in her house decades ago, and continues to prioritize a power trip above her firstborn daughter's housing needs, while performatively claiming to care about me!🔥
As I get closer to the end of the 1st month in which I have been unable to pay the necessary $1775.89 to stay housed, with another $1775.89 and a bunch of other bills due in a few short days despite exhausting my retirement savings after suffering at least $183,364 in financial abuse, if you are able to support me, I would be grateful for any monetary contributions!🙏🏾"
If able to contribute to my survival following my ex's financial abuse of at least $183,364, which further disabled me, alongside white supremacist workplace trauma, e-transfers within "Canada" may be sent to krystaljagoo@gmail.com and funds may be sent via PayPal below, so please support me if able, as I am desperately close to being unhoused!🙏🏾
BTW, on the off chance that you are looking for a gifted equity practitioner and educator for virtual services like writing, facilitation, and consulting, you are welcome to peruse my CV below, and explore paid services here.
Please consider sharing this newsletter to amplify the reach of my work!🙏🏾
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