An Open Letter to My Ex Whose Financial Abuse Continues to Push Me Into An Early Grave
When I still worked as a psychotherapist, I often combined my personal insights about the catharsis of writing with my therapeutic lens, especially when employing a narrative therapy approach with trauma survivors.
For some, it helped to write a letter to a younger version of themselves with the kinds of things they wish their inner child had been taught, while others found it therapeutic to write a letter to the parent(s) who failed them in how anti-fat queer-antagonistic patriarchal misogynistic ableist messages may have been stuffed down their throat, making them an easy mark for an abuser.
Whether those letters were ever sent to any actual people in real-life was always a decision that clients could change their mind about, throughout the process, so as I try to survive Access Intimacy Abuse, a letter to my abuser felt like a seamless hermit crab essay to add to my collection, given my concern about disabled and otherwise marginalized folx getting exploited, as I did.
Dear Abusive Ex,
Remember when you weaponized the marginalized aspects of your identity to drain me of resources, labour, capacity, etc, including $183,364 in e-transfers over 6.5 years before marrying another woman without even bothering to break up with me, then continued to gaslight me before lying on me by calling yourself "an autonomous being" in a public Facebook post? 👀"
No worries if you have a hard time remembering, as I now know better than to expect any consideration from you! When I discovered your wedding registry, I had not yet realized you were already married, but I am no longer as naïve as I was back in 2024 before poet, Hess Love, coined the term, "diabolicy" for your violations, as until then, we did not need a noun for how diabolical one can be.
Our understanding of able-bodied supremacy has been formed in relation to intersecting systems of domination and exploitation. The histories of white supremacy and ableism are, after all, inextricably entwined, both forged in the crucible of colonial conquest and capitalist domination. We cannot comprehend ableism without grasping its interrelations with heteropatriarchy, white supremacy, colonialism, and capitalism, each system co-creating an ideal bodymind built upon the exclusion and elimination of a subjugated “other” from whom profits and status are extracted."
Maybe it is because I spent a decade after Pappy's death hearing Ava's propaganda about how her most hated family member killed him, in stark contrast to the myocardial infarction that actually took his life, but I am particularly invested in ensuring that your legacy of harm to me lives on even if I cannot manage to survive your abhorrent violations of me!🔥"
Could the average fat brown queer disabled immigrant woman survive being drained of $183,364+ over 6.5 years during cycles of overwork and burnout that further disabled her? 🥹"
As I get closer to becoming unhoused after $183,364+ in financial abuse at your hands, it has been difficult to keep going, as migraines, sleep issues, etc. have hijacked what little quality of life remained after your horrific betrayal. Unlike others who survived your toxic gaslighting before me, I will at least know that I have done everything I could to warn folx about you as I only wish they had. Each and every time that a disabled person thanks me for giving them the language of Access Intimacy Abuse, I know that my legacy will outlive me.
Especially since my absent father thinks I am just being stubborn by refusing to call Ava to avoid losing my home, I remain certain that I will not survive an emotional terrorist ex by surrendering to my original emotional terrorist, who weaponized my queerness against me. I will always choose authenticity even if it means death, and that is what it means to choose a power trip over helping the disabled daughter you repeatedly violated. At least I will get to the end of my days, knowing I have never resorted to becoming another's oppressor, the way both these emotional terrorists have!🔥"
If you would be willing to put my monthly website payment of $16CAD on your credit card to keep my warnings about the ex who drained me of $183,364+ active in the event of my death as macro-level harm reduction in terms of community safety without carcerality, please email me at krystal@equitableforall.com at your earliest possible convenience!🥹
If able to contribute to my survival following my ex's financial abuse of at least $183,364, which further disabled me, alongside white supremacist workplace trauma, e-transfers within "Canada" may be sent to krystaljagoo@gmail.com and funds may be sent via PayPal below, so please support me if able, as I am desperately close to being unhoused!🙏🏾
BTW, on the off chance that you are looking for a gifted equity practitioner and educator for virtual services like writing, facilitation, and consulting, you are welcome to peruse my CV below, and explore paid services here.
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