A Past Therapist Unpacks Her Madness a Decade After White Supremacist Harassment Began
When I accepted a therapist role in 2011, I never imagined it could lead here, but despite no longer being a registered social worker after 15 years, due to losing all respect for a regulatory body for its failure to call for a ceasefire despite intensified Palestinian genocide during 2024, I still remain committed to anti-oppressive practice, which is why I am sharing my story.
When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.”
By the time I was served with a disciplinary letter that stated I "had been hired to practice social work, not social justice," by a white supremacist Executive Director at my therapist job at a family health team in Port Perry, I could have easily been diagnosed with depression from his harassment, based on my administration of scales like the Beck Depression Inventory when I worked for the Mental Health Clinic through the North Bay Regional Health Centre.
Given the ableist expectations of the Ontario College of Social Workers and Social Service Workers that members had to declare any mental illness to the regulatory body, I never felt safe reporting any depressive or anxiety symptoms to my family doctor, who worked for the same white supremacist Executive Director who had been harassing me for months, so I only ever disclosed sleep issues and exacerbated migraines when I went off on a medical leave in 2016, from which I would never return (as that white supremacist employer was not satisfied with forcing me out of the office that they falsely reported to law enforcement that I was a threat to my workplace).
As Social Work Months ends, as I approach a decade since when white supremacist workplace harassment 1st debilitated me enough to prompt my 1st medical leave from my therapist job, with my retirement savings wiped out, I am acknowledging that I am mad, as the last decade piled on gender-based violence (GBV) at the hands of my ex, Makai Livingstone of Embodied Support Services whose financial abuse exceeds $183,364, further white supremacist workplace harassment and eventual constructive dismissal from Canada's largest university, exploitation in the nonprofit-industrial complex and the publishing sector during "the racial reckoning that white folx tell me happened in 2020, which has since escalated fascism," contracting COVID-19 despite essentially never coming out of quarantine for the last 6 years, etc.
Do you mean mad like...?
While discussing this post with a friend, they did not even get a chance to finish seeking clarification before I said, "Mad liberation, but I am also pissed the fuck off by how oppressive colonial systems rigged against us, combined with betrayals from BIPOC liars who claimed to care about me got me here!"
If that feels like a strong sentiment, I would encourage you to explore Audre Lorde's Uses of Anger speech below from the fall of 1981, before I was even born, and ask yourself if anger is not a valid response to white supremacy:
My response to racism is anger. I have lived with that anger, on that anger, beneath that anger, on top of that anger, ignoring that anger, feeding upon that anger, learning to use that anger before it laid my visions to waste, for most of my life. Once I did it in silence, afraid of the weight of that anger. My fear of that anger taught me nothing. Your fear of that anger will teach you nothing.”
Here are some relevant definitions, according to Madness Network News:
Mad: A term historically used to oppress people who experience emotional distress and non-normative or non-conventional states of being. Mad has been reclaimed as a socio-political identity for people who experience emotional distress and/or who have been labeled as “mentally ill” or as having “mental health issues.” A mad individual is a person whose identity and selfhood are contrary to convention, subverting, defying, disrupting, and liberating oneself from what is considered “sane.” To be mad is to take pride in the mental states that have been deemed criminal and deficit.
Mad Movement: An umbrella term for the movement that encompasses the international mad pride movement, psychiatric survivor, psychiatric abolition/anti-psychiatry, hearing voices, service user, consumer/survivor/ex-patient (ex-inmate), mental health recovery, mental disability social justice movements. This movement interconnects with the disability justice and neurodiversity movements.
Mad Liberation: A term referring to the pursuit of freedom for mad, neurodivergent, and disabled people. Mad liberation is also about freeing bodyminds from a carceral society. This term is also often used when referring to the psychiatric survivor movement.
Mad Pride Movement: Mad Pride is an international counter-culture movement, action, ideology, and day of recognition that celebrates the human rights and spectacular culture of people considered very different by our society. Mad Pride is the embracing of mad identities that defies normal or conventional mental and emotional states of being. Mad Pride may be celebrated anytime but is most often observed in the month of July, usually on or around July 14, Bastille Day.
Mad Studies: Is a field of scholarship, theory, and activism about the lived/living experiences, history, cultures, and politics about people who may identify as mad, psychiatric survivors, neurodivergent, and/or Disabled. Mad studies investigates how experiences labeled as “mental illness” and/or “neurological deficit ” are historically and socially determined by cultural norms (i.e. Bipolar, Autism). The word “mad” is a reclaimed word borrowed from the Mad Liberation or Psychiatric Survivors movement of the late 1960s – 1970s.
Mad love: A term for the solidarity, care, and affection felt between mad people or from the mad toward others. This is a particularly powerful statement in a world that operates under the sanist notion that the mad aren’t competent enough to make “healthy” choices or are not deserving of love. Mad love defies the judgment casted on mad people and instead says “in a society that deems me loveless or unlovable, I love you or have a love for you.”
Crazywise (Mad Wisdom): A term for the wisdom gained from emotional distress and extreme states. Crazywise is also the name of a film that explores our society’s understanding of emotional distress.
Critical and liberating dialogue, which presupposes action, must be carried on with the oppressed at whatever the stage of their struggle for liberation. The content of that dialogue can and should vary in accordance with historical conditions and the level at which the oppressed perceive reality."
This is where I had planned to do a deep dive into how I went from working as a Mental Health Therapist a decade ago to coming out as mad following trauma that further disabled me, due to how committed I remain to anti-oppressive practice, but my beloved trauma-informed chiropractor since 2018 retired, so pain management remains a nightmare this Social Work Month, and after last week's COVID-19 shot, I have been dealing with worse migraines, so I am going to continue to practice honouring my access needs (at least until I can afford to exist under late-stage capitalism as I try to recover from $183, 364 in financial abuse at the hands of my ex, Makai Livingstone of Embodied Support Services), to unpack my madness in writing on my terms.
If you have read my Disability Justice Reflections on Zohran Mamdani's Inauguration, those definitions may remind you of the concept of ableism, so here is the definition of ableism I most recommend from Talila A. Lewis:
If new to thinking critically about ableism, I encourage you to consider this my personal invitation to rectify that, going forward, as the lives of countless disabled folx depend on it, and those of us who are also BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, fat, immigrant, or otherwise oppressed, as I am, face even more challenges, as ableism often multiplies with white supremacy, settler-colonialism, anti-fatness, xenophobia, queerantagonism, etc. to harm the most marginalized.
Especially if you read Remembering Poet, Renée Nicole Good, you may remember that for me, finding my power looks like making connections with the Disability Justice work I remain committed to doing despite its challenges:
If interested in learning more about the Disability Justice framework of 10 principles Sins Invalid developed in 2005 that would address fascism, I invite you to attend my next free/donations-welcome Access is Love: Weaving Words for Liberation workshop, which is scheduled for 7-9pm EST on Saturday, March 28, 2026, in honour of beloved disabled ancestors like Alice Wong, Patty Berne, Tinu Abayomi-Paul, Shafiqah Hudson, Stacey Park Milbern, Ki'tay D. Davidson, Ruby Goorahoo, Audre Lorde, Sojourner Truth, Harriet Tubman, etc. whose crucial DJ work still inform mine.
As planned, I facilitated my first Access as Love: Weaving Words for Liberation workshop last month. We connected bell hooks' love ethic with the Disability Justice framework. I remain grateful for the participants who gathered virtually with me, as I look forward to this month's session, which will focus on insights from the late Alice Wong."
While I continue to offer free spots, my monthly Disability Justice workshops are made possible by generous donations from paid Ko-fi subscribers, so please consider supporting my DJ work here, if able to contribute financially.
If new to my virtual spaces, I give registrants the 1st 5 minutes to arrive before starting, but generally continue to let folx in until the end. Usually, materials are emailed at least a day before, should advance access aid with feeling comfortable to participate. Attendees are welcome to engage on their own terms, i.e., with no implicit expectation of being on camera, communicating verbally or in the chat, etc. Around the halfway point, a 15-minute-long break is facilitated, after which participants are invited to explore a writing prompt during designated quiet time of 10-20 minutes, depending on preferences. Once the timer ends, participants are invited to share what they wrote or discuss how the process went for them, based on capacity, comfort, interest, vibes, etc. Throughout the workshop, my approach is consent-based, i.e., folx are encouraged to read slides, share feedback, etc., and only those who volunteer to do so are invited to engage further, as there is no pressure to participate beyond one's capacity.
If able to contribute to my survival following my ex's financial abuse of at least $183,364, which further disabled me, alongside white supremacist workplace trauma, e-transfers within "Canada" may be sent to krystaljagoo@gmail.com and funds may be sent via PayPal below, so please consider supporting me! 🙏🏾
BTW, on the off chance that you are looking for a gifted equity practitioner and educator for virtual services like writing, facilitation, and consulting, you are welcome to peruse my CV below, and explore paid services here.
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