Trying to Lean Into Disabled Joy, Alongside Grief Galore
On March 21, 2018, while still in a Wellness Counselor/Coordinator role at Canada's largest university, I first met the woman whose hands I have most entrusted my fat brown queer disabled immigrant woman's body, but I said a tearful goodbye to her on Friday, January 30, 2026, at our final chiropractic treatment appointment prior to her practice closure.
As you can likely imagine, I now exist in a space that is equal in grief and dread, as no other chiropractor from whom I have ever received treatment has been remotely effective, and I have tried at least half a dozen chiropractors in locations as different as North Bay and Toronto. Since my beloved service provider retired due to disability-related challenges, I am forging ahead as best as I can, as BIPOC LGBTQIA+ disabled folx do on days that end in "y" in a world that tends to deem us disposable before ever attempting to accommodate us."
Having first learnt of my chiropractor's expected practice closure at the end of last year, I have tried to plan for this as much as humanly possible, including seeing her as regularly as three times weekly until her last day in the office, as well as exploring assistive devices like the Chirp Contour to aid with my anticipated loss of a beloved trusted service provider of 8 years.
In fact, at our final appointment, I updated her about ordering a device for which delivery updates included recommendations to integrate use into one's daily routine, as I joked about how I will finally commit to what she has literally asked of me for 8 long years, which made her laugh, albeit wryly."
Having recently cashed out most of my retirement savings last month in a desperate attempt to afford to exist in the aftermath of at least $183,364 in financial abuse at the hands of my ex, Makai Livingstone, the founder of Embodied Support Services, the thought of spending $802 on a device that may provide no benefit for my unique needs, having survived 3 car crashes in my late teens and early twenties, from which, I have navigated debilitating back pain for decades was extremely distressing, until doing the following calculation, which highlighted that this expense was only 0.43738738% of how much I spent on someone who exploited the fuck out of me before lying on me, so I am actively working on reconciling that I deserve this purchase despite how this inherently ableist settler-colonialist white supremacist xenophobic queerantagonistic misogynistic dumpster fire of a society often tells me otherwise as an attempt at what Lewis Raven Wallace calls, "radical unlearning," as I continue to participate in an Interrupting Criminalization study group with them to engage with their 2025 book, Radical Unlearning: The Art and Science of Creating Change from Within, which I highly recommend.
BTW, on the off chance that you are looking for a gifted equity practitioner and educator for virtual services like writing, facilitation, and consulting, you are welcome to peruse my CV below, and explore my services here.
"My grandmother, Sarah, was raised to believe that Black people were safe enough to clean her home, but not clean enough to share her shower. She believed that my grandfather would rule the house with his cool eyes & strong hands, that homosexuals were perverts, that sex was never to be spoken of, that gender was a natural, biological, & binary divide. She saw no wrong in Confederate monuments & no lie in the southern culture…that created her. Her father was a powerful lawyer who once stood on the floor of the South Carolina General Assembly condemning desegregation in the 1960s…Sarah began to change…Something pulled her away from how she was raised. She began to...dig into the biases...of South Carolina's white culture,...as she struggled to unlearn the racism, sexism, homophobia from her upbringing…"
Since I began listening to Lewis Raven Wallace's Radical Unlearning: The Art and Science of Creating Change from Within audiobook on January 18, 2026, I have probably heard it in its entirety a dozen times, and it has even inspired the launch of my Access as Love: Weaving Words for Liberation virtual workshops, the first of which, is scheduled for 7-9pm EST on Saturday, February 28, 2026, for which, a couple of folx have already signed-up to attend! 🥹
Like I said to my beloved past chiropractor last week, I cannot make any promises about how I will survive her retirement, but I am trying to psych myself up to attend the free transition appointment until the end of March with the white male chiropractor she has seen for over a decade, despite my extensive trauma history, which she took as the best present I could have gifted her."
In one of her final acts of care as my most attentive service provider, she graciously took my photo to promote the softest hoodie ever owned from the Disability Culture Lab's clothing line, as I attempt to lean into revolutionary disabled joy, which BIPOC LGBTQIA+ disabled folx know can often be all too fleeting.
As part of my ongoing attempt at leaning into revolutionary disabled joy, I hosted my 1st 2026 Disability Justice 101 workshop last weekend, where 10 folx gathered virtually with me to review these Disability Justice principles:
No shortage of insightful comments from the Disability Justice 101 Zoom chat brought me joy, which is why I felt compelled to make this Instagram reel after hosting the 10 folx who gathered to learn about Disability Justice in a mutual radical unlearning space, as revolutionary disabled joy may look different from how I measured joy prior to ableist white supremacist workplace harassment, gender-based violence (GBV), COVID-19, etc. but it will always be worth the effort of my investment as a firstborn immigrant granddaughter who was often expected to care for others over herself:
If interested in learning more about the Disability Justice framework of 10 principles Sins Invalid developed in 2005 that would address fascism, I invite you to attend my next free/donations-welcome Access is Love: Weaving Words for Liberation workshop, which is scheduled for 7-9pm EST on Saturday, February 28, 2026, in honour of beloved disabled ancestors like Alice Wong, Patty Berne, Tinu Abayomi-Paul, Shafiqah Hudson, Stacey Park Milbern, Ki'tay D. Davidson, Ruby Goorahoo, Audre Lorde, Sojourner Truth, Harriet Tubman, etc. whose crucial DJ work still inform mine.
While I continue to offer free spots, my monthly Disability Justice workshops are made possible by generous donations from paid Ko-fi subscribers, so please consider supporting my DJ work here, if able to contribute financially.
If new to my virtual spaces, I give registrants the 1st 5 minutes to arrive before starting, but generally continue to let folx in until the end. Usually, materials are emailed at least a day before, should advance access aid with feeling comfortable to participate. Attendees are welcome to engage on their own terms, i.e., with no implicit expectation of being on camera, communicating verbally or in the chat, etc. Around the halfway point, a 15-minute-long break is facilitated, after which participants are invited to explore a writing prompt during designated quiet time of 10-20 minutes, depending on preferences. Once the timer ends, participants are invited to share what they wrote or discuss how the process went for them, based on capacity, comfort, interest, vibes, etc. Throughout the workshop, my approach is consent-based, i.e., folx are encouraged to read slides, share feedback, etc., and only those who volunteer to do so are invited to engage further, as there is no pressure to participate beyond one's capacity.
If able to contribute to my survival following my ex's financial abuse of at least $183,364, which further disabled me, alongside white supremacist workplace trauma, e-transfers within "Canada" may be sent to krystaljagoo@gmail.com and funds may be sent via PayPal below, so please consider supporting me! 🙏🏾
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